A few weeks ago I put up a classified on a site that was mainly aimed towards men for some fun, casual blowing. I love giving head it clears my mind, puts me into a zen place free from stress. I sometimes don't even want anything back unless I've met the person a few times before, just some nipple play is all I want but let's move on. In this classified I said that I was bisexual and therefore rated 'E' for everyone.
Now when I said this, in the opening sentences before this I had stated that I was looking for drama free, single people. I put the bisexuality in there for any les/bi or trans and non binary people that came across me. I'll also admit that I probably should have cross posted to the site for women as well, but I was being kind of lazy. What I got within the first half hour of posting was unicorn hunters.
Now what is a unicorn and what are unicorn hunters is what you're probably asking.
Unicorn - A bisexual woman who is also poly, or experimenting with being poly in some way ie: open to threesomes at the very least.
Unicorn Hunters - A heterosexual couple who is looking for a third to date the both of them. Almost always subject to the 'One Penis Policy'. They come and cum together or not at all.
Now what is wrong with this? If all three are into it, then nothing at all. The problem with Unicorn Hunters and why being a Hunter is considered a bad thing is when the objectification of the single queer woman comes into play and the prioritization of the couple's feelings, rights, and needs comes over hers.
I honestly think that the best way to not be a Unicorn Hunter and to get the most out of your newly poly relationship, is abrupt honesty, destruction of ego, and lots of communication. It seems to me that most Hunter couples do not talk about the ramifications of a poly relationship beyond the male going, 'That would be super hot...right babe? Didn't you say you've always wanted to kiss a girl?'
You need to be discussing with each other if you really want to do this or if it is just a fantasy for you. One that would be better satisfied with watching porn. Are you able to handle the jealousy if the third doesn't want to play or have sex with both of you at the same time? The third person you are welcoming into a relationship with both of you may only like one of you. Or they may grow more fond of one of you to the point where they no longer want to have sex with both of you. Maybe they feel that both at the same time is a little too much and are more comfortable with having sex with one person at a time. Are you prepared for that? What would you do in each of these situations?
There is another concern as well. Part of the problem with Hunters is that the primary relationship is protected above all other things. If you are welcoming a person into your relationship to date the both of you, then guess what? You're no longer a couple, you're a triad. The dynamics are not the same and shouldn't be. The third is a person, a human being with feelings. What are you doing to make sure that their feelings and concerns in this new relationship are being recognized? Are you including them in relationship concerns or are you secretly talking with only each other behind their back whenever feelings of jealousy or inadequacy arise? Are you deciding things as a triad or as a couple? If there are problems in the relationship are you talking things out together? Or are you ganging up on one person who does not have the benefit of having another by their side that they have known, and been with, since before the relationship became an open one?
While we're talking about being open and honest, how are you going about approaching these women? Most Hunter profiles are very deceptive. In the above scenario where I said I wanted single people and then let slip that I was bisexual, I got a contact from a guy that seemed very nice and sweet. We talked for a couple of days before he said, 'I know you said you wanted single people but I have a girlfriend, however we're in an open relationship. You can call her to make sure I'm not cheating, if you want.' This is not uncommon. And if it took you almost a week to tell me that, what else are you hiding up your sleeve? A lot of profiles that I have seen also tend to hide the actual picture of the couple as well to make it seem like it is just a bisexual woman looking for dates. You don't see any trace of the guy until usually the third picture. The profile will also typically be in the woman's name, or under her identity but sometimes have only the man or one of the couple using the profile. Then bisexual women, and even lesbian women, get messaged no matter what their profiles state their mono/poly preference is. It is not uncommon now for bisexual women to put at the end or beginning of their profiles 'Not your *unicorn emoji*'. I do the same and that only works half the time.
I feel a better solution would be to create two completely different profiles with first pictures being of you and your partner on both. This is after having discussed what it is exactly you want out of this relationship change, of course. Be completely open, honest, and non aggressive in your profiles about what you are looking for in a relationship with someone else.
Now that we have discussed and identified some of the problems with communication and honesty, what about ego? I have seen and heard of plenty of Hunting couples where the woman is straight with no inclinations towards bisexuality but is doing this for the husband. I don't think I should have to go into why it is horrible to emotionally manipulate your partner into a sexual situation they don't want to be in for your own benefit. That is abuse. If your partner is not open to being poly at all and you are dead set on it, then you are going to have to have 'the talk'. As in 'are we happy together or will we be better apart' type of talk.
'One Penis Policy' also comes into play when talking about ego. The only true reason for this that I have seen is to placate the man, because surely your wing wang is so amazing that both women will be satisfied with it. Your wife could never leave you for another woman just as much as she could leave you for another man, if that were to happen for some reason. No, no, women are so much more sexually non threatening this way. There's also no way that your partner could ever meet and want to have sex with someone who is also a cis man, or who is trans and has a penis. No, yours is good enough and even if she wanted to it doesn't matter, because what this relationship change boils down to is that you are satisfied.
...Are you seeing why that is problematic and stupid?
I hope that this post has given some couples who are looking to experiment with being poly, or just want to spice up their relationship a couple of times, something to think about. I really hope it gives you something to talk about if you decide to go ahead with it. Your feelings and rights are not the only ones at stake, and when you are welcoming new partners in for the night or longer you need to be unselfish and considerate for everyone's sake.
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